Where the Fun/Pain All Began

My trainer asked me the other day why I was always so upbeat and positive as she was torturing me with yet another series of grueling bicep exercises, and I explained that I used to be a lot fatter, and had changed my life in the past year and a half and had no intention of going back there. I promised to bring her a picture, the one that I keep in my kitchen as a reminder to myself of where I started. I also brought it to my weight loss consultant, and she told me that I looked now like I could do a commercial, with this as my before picture, even though I'm not at my goal weight. Between that and the fact that my email is currently flooded with offers for diets and fitness programs because of the new year, it got me thinking about the fact that it isn't a date on a calendar that makes you want to go to the gym regularly or to stick to a healthy eating plan. It's something bigger. For me, that something bigger really started with this picture.

In this picture from early April 2010, I weighed in at over 250 lbs (scary to admit that in "public"... even to virtual strangers). After my kid I had gone up to about 260, but had lost nearly 40 lbs with the help of a nutritionist, but due to being unhappy and getting divorced and coping with being out on my own for the first time really in my entire life… I had gained it almost entirely back. This trip to the Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn, was one of the first things I did post-splitting up with my husband that was entirely on my own. It seems small, since it was only a trip on a bus and subway, but I'd never been to the park at all... much less alone. The picture was taken by a kind stranger, and I actually thought that I looked very cute that day. But the best part was that once I got out there, walked the gardens, I headed out into Prospect Park and just walked for several hours. Just wandered all around, watching people run, play various sports and enjoy their afternoons. It was eye-opening in a lot of ways, as I'd long been content to let other people make the plans and just follow along with them. Just being outside with no set schedule, wandering with some quiet time to reflect, was fantastic for me.

Going to the park by myself, in an unfamiliar place, gave me the push to book a trip to Costa Rica that I had long wanted to do and had been pondering for a while. Right after this day in Brooklyn, I got my passport (for the first time ever… the only places I'd previously been were Aruba, Mexico and Canada, and at times when you didn't need a passport to travel to them). Yes, it is a leap to go from traveling to a borough 20 miles from my house, to leaving the country on my own, but I had a renewed since of (perhaps misguided) confidence.

But not only did I want to go to Costa Rica, I wanted to go to Costa Rica to trek through the rainforest and ride along a massive zipline. In short, I wanted to have some wild new experiences, but I had to be in better shape to do most of the things I wanted. I joined the new gym that had opened near my house and started taking Zumba classes and walking on the treadmill. And then I got the bright idea to take a kickboxing class. I had received a flyer shortly after I'd moved into my new apartment, offering a cheap trial class with free boxing gloves and it had been stuck to my fridge for months. I was waiting until I was in better shape to try it, but finally just did it. Nearly thought I was going to die/puke during the first session, and felt sympathy for all of those Biggest Loser contestants who had been tortured during their first workouts, but I got quickly got hooked. I even re-learned to jump rope -- something I had loved doing as a kid. It's easy to forget those simple pleasures as you get older.

Before my trip to Costa Rica, I lost about 20 lbs. But really couldn't seem to lose more. And while I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of that trip (even the scary ones when I got a second-degree burn on an ATV ride and had to use my broken Spanish at the pharmacia), some of the hikes really were exhausting to me. I made it, because of my newfound "I can do anything" spirit, but I was for sure the slowest one in the group.

When I came back, I spent all fall challenging myself with more of my outrageous adventures from whitewater rafting to hiking and even snowshoeing, but I didn't really see much of a change on the scale. Apparently, eating a diet of predominantly baby carrots isn't as healthy as one might think. Go figure. It wasn't until I decided that I wanted to live out my dream of scuba diving when things changed for me.

I went to a small dive shop in NJ and signed up for classes and nearly had a breakdown in the dressing room as even the largest women's wetsuits barely fit. And I broke a zipper trying one on. I was so ashamed that I didn't even say anything about the zipper and just I bought the one wetsuit that did fit, and lamented to the owner that I wanted it to be a smaller size. He happened to tell me that his wife had been helping people lose weight for years. I was skeptical, as I'd worked with a nutritionist before and had also tried Atkins, Weight Watchers and a few of the other fads out there. But I left the shop feeling excited about scuba diving, but guilty about the suit. When I got home, I left a very apologetic teary message on the shop answering machine telling the owner that I'd broken the zipper and that I'd be happy to pay for it, but was just too embarrassed to say anything during the store. I got a very understanding phone message back from him, and shortly thereafter got a call from his lovely wife. She's an LA My Way consultant, and was very sweet, and even though the initial cost was out of my budget by a bit, I took the plunge and went along with her.

Since starting with her I've lost about 40 lbs, lost even more than that in inches off my body, gone down about four clothing sizes (from a 20 to a 12) and have really toned up from eating a healthy diet and exercising. Who would have imagined that a person like me who previously lived for French fries and ice cream, would be living happily on a low carb, low salt, low sugar, high protein diet? But it works for my body, without making me feel like I'm missing out. Paired with all of my increasingly ridiculous fitness and adventure quests, I weigh less than I have in well over a decade and am in better shape than I ever have been. My credit card is ridiculously high because I am obsessed living life to the fullest, via traveling adventures and fitness obstacles, but I tell myself that I'm investing in my future... just not in the traditional sense. I regularly do yoga, I've started seeing a personal trainer, have hiked all over the country with my dad and brother and even recently began running. I am most proud of doing my first Sprint Triathlon in September. I'm not the fastest person on the planet, or the skinniest or fittest, but I am doggedly determined to get there eventually. The tortoise won that infamous race eventually, right?

Making the decision to go to Prospect Park to see those cherry blossoms and almost a year later deciding to scuba dive to be the mermaid I'd always wanted to be, were two of the best decisions I've made in the last few years. They seemed so small at the time, practically insignificant in the larger scheme of things, but they really made a major impact on my day-to-day life and my quest to be the best Angel that I can be. My goal is not to be super skinny or hit some unfeasible number on a scale, but instead to be a fit, healthy and fun mom and strong role model to my young daughter for as long as humanly possible.And she's become my strongest cheerleader and motivator on the days when it gets really tough. You try to say no to a bossy 5-year-old (who likes to channel Jillian Michaels) when they are running behind you in the park and tell you to stop and do some jumping jacks before instructing you to keep running even faster. She keeps me smiling and optimistic even as I face challenges with childcare, long-commutes, a busy work schedule, some taxing workouts and my less frequent (but still occasional) desire to eat an entire carton of cookies & cream ice cream.

The pic below is where I'm at now, still a ways to go (and naturally that's taken from my MOST flattering angle… side angle pictures are still my enemy). And while initially reluctant to share my story, I hope that this, and my forthcoming tales of finding adventure in every day life in order to get healthy and challenge myself, may make some other people realize that they can do whatever it is that they put their minds too, be it lose weight or run a marathon or achieve their dream job and be genuinely happy in the skin that they are in.